I don’t know about you but I’m 100% guilty. Guilty of negative dwelling.
Andy and I disagree and suddenly our relationship is falling apart. We have one bad day and I equate that to weeks and weeks of dissatisfaction.
A few pending tasks that I can’t complete alone, or at least, I think I can’t, and suddenly I’m incapable.
I get a negative remark about my work or unhappy participant and I beat myself up for days. I’ll grow from it, but I can’t stand the fact that you spent time with me and your needs weren’t met.
I spend a lot of my professional career coaching others to reflect on their experiences and grow from them. To be honest, this can be a challenge for me too.
I am with Cooper for his first year (and more) of life. Yet, I continue to spend time dwelling on the what-if about my professional career.
Dwelling. It’s a time suck, it’s a rocking chair, a pendulum of useless.
Over the past several months, specifically in Amsterdam, some experiences:
- I had days where I swore one of us (Cooper or I) weren’t going to be in the flat when Andy arrived home from work.
- I woke up pissed because it was pouring rain and windy…and there was no food in the place (this meant loading Cooper up and walking or biking to the store).
- Some days I get in my zone and all writing blocks disappear that is until Cooper reminds me that he wants to be the number 1 priority.
- I’ve been puked on multiple times while traveling and spent hours smelling like it.
- My intentions have been set day after day, either get up and go to the gym or get up and write…instead I hit snooze.
The list could go on.
As you might presume, these actions lead to more unproductive dwelling.
Lazy. Unable to hold myself accountable. Distracted…and at times they did.
But more recently, I’ve noticed something different.
I’ll give you a hint, there is one common factor…
The Cooper Factor.
A little over a year ago, on March 12th, my life was changed for the better. Many experiences since then, are worthy of negatively dwelling on or getting frustrated over. However, when I stop and think about the last year and moments such as traveling with a scent of spoiled milk as opposed to my favorite Anthropology scent my mindset is different:
Months 1-12
Holy cow…labor and delivery are no joke. Rather than remembering the pain I remember this moment. 
Andy surprised us with a flight over Lake Tahoe. This was my first experience of mom anxiety. It’s now a great story and the views were stunning. 
Our flight was delayed and I was panicked about Cooper loosing it. He was clearly very concerned. We now laugh at our creativity. 
The plate always seems full. Thankful for these ladies who helped me realize the importance of “us” time. 
Schedules are tricky, some of the best moments have been breaking them (waiting for dad to get home from a work trip). 
The stress of preparing to move aboard for 10 months. This moment reminded me to take a breath and enjoy the process. 
So many emotions as we took on this adventure. This pic reminds me how thankful I am for a husband who constantly pushes me out of my comfort zone and makes our dreams a reality! 
We look so happy. I was actually crying because I had mentally freaked myself out about this hike. It ended up being a great bonding conversation for Andy and I. 
I love hosting holidays. This one was so stressful with our limited kitchen and appliances. At the end of the day none of the stress is what I recall. 
I was fearful of a quiet Christmas. It was beautiful and we found ourselves caught up in the simple things…like lights. 
This was one of those days… I thought we were going to kill each other. Instead we stopped, got some cheerios and watched the trains go by. 
We’d been across town learning to make dumplings. It was pouring rain. Mom guilt kicked in. 3 miles later, I decided to be thankful for such a flexible kiddo! 
Living abroad I was sad Cooper’s first birthday would be away from our friends and family. Luckily the Caddy Crew didn’t disappoint. 
So many lessons learned and so many more to come. Happy first birthday Cooper!
As I scanned through my 6,000 plus photos since Cooper’s birth, I realized how many of the images could trigger a negative memory. I’m thankful they don’t. Instead, these memories have made for good stories, were moments I grew from, or simply weren’t worthy of stressing over. Establishing a positive mindset and finding the good in each moment is something I aspire to refine.
I recently read a book that suggested you take a moment at the end of each day and write down what you are grateful for. While I haven’t started writing them down, each night as I lay Cooper down for bed I take a moment to tell him our moments throughout the day that I am grateful for and why. While I know he won’t remember these moments right now, I hope someday he is able to recall the moments we stopped and watched the trains go by, rather than the ones where I was yelling at him to be quiet so I could get my work done. Hoping to instill a positive perspective in him as well.
As our Adventures in Amsterdam turns into Returning to Reno, I can’t help but think about the moments, experiences and values I want to take back with us. The Dutch are known for putting their families first. They work to live as opposed to living to work. Rather than dwelling on the crappy weather, they get out and carry on with their days. Yesterday, I was sharing with my dad that I have yet to see an angry parent yelling at their child while biking to school, the store, etc. It’s a desirable lifestyle I want to preserve.
I’d be lying to say I eliminated negative dwelling from my vocabulary but what I can say is that our time here in Amsterdam, (a forever thank-you to Andy), has provided me the opportunity to look at my unchecked to-do’s, like this blog post that has been sitting on my list for over a month now, and take a breath. Take a breath, and instead of beating myself up over my failed attempts at being productive, be grateful for the time I have with Cooper. To get chores done when we can, even if it means hanging up the laundry over and over so Cooper can pull them off the rack. Further, to take those moments of negativity in stride and forget them, because, after all, life is what you make it; and it is pretty good right now.
Another awesome piece of writing. You motivate me Rand! Thanks for this.
This is sooo true. It’s so hard getting caught up in the chaos of life. Definitely something working on as well more and more each day. Your doing great balancing! Love your pieces.