The Window Opened Or Closed?

The Window Opened Or Closed? 

plane

Awareness: Knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.

Judging: Forming an opinion or conclusion about.

My Confusion

As an instructional coach, I constantly try to be aware and help build other’s awareness through coaching. For me, the list seems nearly never-ending…do I demonstrate awareness of people’s background, their personal and professional strengths and challenges, their students, and their beliefs about student learning? Am I aware of the resources they find valuable, the district initiatives, or that they may not have remembered that we were meeting today because they were up all night dealing with a sick child…?

When I am in the midst of a conversation, my goal is to identify the intent and purpose behind other’s actions or responses. What was their thinking before, during and after? It is not my job to judge, but rather to encourage reflection and process their thinking.

At times I’m not sure I can articulate the difference between awareness and judging. Let me give you an example, a few weeks ago my husband and I were in the car discussing our days. I listened to him rant about co-workers not stepping up, waiting for opportunity instead of creating it and the generally unmotivated employees who are content with the status quo. I stopped him to ask, “How have you supported this person to do that?” After pausing for a moment, he replied with a question, “Whose onus is personal growth? Should it be the employee drive or the supervisor pull?” From his experiences, good things come to those who put forth the effort, take initiative and do the job before having the job. To me, it sounded as if he was judging a peer’s lack of initiative…and I was now judging him for being harsh…or was he aware of their lack of initiation and I was unaware of how the business world runs?

Later that evening, I thought more about the conversation and decided instead of providing supports, my husband should try to find out more information through questioning. Who knows, maybe he was pushing the person to do something they really weren’t ready to do. On the other hand, maybe he had a point. Sometimes people are unaware of what it takes to grow, they might think they are ready for that next step, but have yet to take it or don’t know how, or maybe, there are people out there who think they have what it takes but are unaware of what it really does. If the latter is the case, when the frustration builds in those people, should they be driving the reflection and progression or someone else?

Uber

Similarly, today I was in an Uber heading to the airport. The driver and I had engaged in a cordial conversation upon greeting one another. I love hearing how long one has been driving for Uber as well as their experiences. My “go-to” start to this conversation follows a sequence similar to the following:

“Hi”

“How are you?”

“Been busy?”

“How long have you been driving for Uber?”

“Are you from _____?”

Pretty standard, yet typically effective. However, today the response I received from the last question caught me off guard. When asked “Are you from here?” My driver responded with the following:

“Maybe”

I chuckled a bit and continued looking out the window. A few minutes later, he informed me that he was from Earth. At this time, I decided the conversation was about over. Except it wasn’t. My driver took a few more minutes to himself and then informed me of where he was from and that he usually doesn’t tell people where he is from because it isn’t relevant. For the next several miles we continued discussing with one another. As I got out of the car this idea of judging vs. awareness crossed my mind again.

How quickly I was to assume that this generic question, “Are you from X?” was harmless and that a response that seemed sarcastic to me immediately led me to judge the direction of our conversation… Or, was I just unaware?

Sitting on Plane

After grabbing my coffee at the airport Starbucks I was prepared to board my flight to Chicago. I decided to take a window seat so that I could work in an uninterrupted manner. However, after sipping on my latte and resting my head on the sidewall of the frame I found myself struggling to keep my eyes open. I finally gave in…letting myself drift off to sleep. All was good until I was startled by the window shade next to me being pulled down. The woman next to me had reached across me and pulled the shade down.

To be honest, I instantly thought to myself “Wow, that was forward.” The woman went back to playing her card game on her I-Phone and I was now awake processing what had just happened. I obviously don’t own the window, but never before had I been reached across by my neighbor. My immediate reaction was to judge. Yet, after taking a second to reflect on the situation I realized I’ve also never taken into consideration whether or not the people sitting next to me had a preference about the window being opened or closed. Something that doesn’t really matter to me, but might to someone else.

 What’s the Answer?

This idea of awareness vs. judging is on the forefront of my mind frequently, especially today. While I was hoping that clarifying the definition of the two would explain the difference for me, it didn’t.

We often want to know the correct answer to a problem, however as I continue to sit here in flight I realize that it doesn’t necessarily matter if we label a situation, or actions, as judging or awareness (or lack of).

 What Matters More…

What is important is that we are able to reflect on the situation and learn from it.

Each of these experiences, interactions, and conversations have shifted my thinking. Next time my husband is venting, I am going to encourage him to quit assuming and ask the right questions. Likewise, next time I get in an Uber I’m going to rethink asking, “Are you from here?” And when I’m sitting next to the window on a plan I’m going to take into consideration my neighbors desire to have the window opened or closed. Yes, reflection and shifted thinking…isn’t that what really matters anyway?

And Then Sometimes…

Upon my arrival in Chicago, I wandered into a bookstore to kill some time before heading to my gate to finish this posting, and there it was…validation to the thoughts I’ve been processing today:

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How aware are you of the experiences that cause you to shift your thinking?

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